Chapter 8

“Daddy, wake up wake up...” I heard a strand of velvety voice speaking into my ears. “We cannot be late today.”

      I barely opened my eyes and saw a little girl sitting beside me. She was holding her little Ollie toy and looking naively into me. “Oh my little sweetheart June you woke up so early today!” I held her towards me and kissed her cheek. She giggled.

      “We have to go visit Daddy Will today remember?” Said June. “You urged us to sleep so we could wake up early today.”

      “Of course I remember, how could I forget.” I said, rubbing my eyes. “Where is Ernest?”

      “That pig is still sleeping.” June pouted. “I called his name and shook his body but he kept sleeping.”

      “Hey June never address your brother that way again, promise me.” I put out my pinky finger and waiting for June to twine mine. She did it after pondering about it.

“This is my sweetheart.” I praised. “Now go and wake Ernest up again. If he still refuses to wake up, tell him that I won’t bring him fishing tomorrow.”

“Okay.” June said and walked out my room with her little Ollie. “Daddy, your plan worked!” June said out loud in triumphant.

“Great.” I yelled. “Bring him up to wash himself.”

Dealing with kid is a sacred job and indeed a very tiring job, it killed more than a million body cells a day. A dad’s job was like stopping them to do anything dangerous, feed them on time, bring them to school, put them into bed, bring them out for picnic, attend parent-teacher day and all sort of things. These errands were still cool but when they have their little moments, that would literally drive me crazy.

When Will came back from Afghanistan after our wedding, he brought up an issue on child adoption. He thought of bringing home some little lives to perfect our life and was asking for my opinion. I agreed eventually and we began looking through whatever possible and legal ways to adopt a child because back then, gay parents have low chance of getting a child even though through proper procedure. After a month of trials we finally got a call from the foster home and she called us to meet her up for a discussion regarding our application of child adoption.

The next day we met her in her office and had a serious discussion on our financial state, jobs and personal and family background. She was pretty happy with our answers throughout the discussion and told us that we may have a high chance of getting a fraternal twin, a male and a female baby. Will and I were so happy we literally jumped off of our seat and hugging each other.

After a series of documentations we can officially and finally bring our twin back home. Will and I decided to name the male as Ernest because we wanted him to be true to himself and be a compassionate being while for our baby girl, we named her June simply because she came home on June and also we thought June was a pretty name.

Firstly when we brought June and Ernest back home they were only twelve months old. Will and I do attend few classes on ‘how to take care of babies’ and referred few books about parenting but things didn't work out well. Things got out of control and the house was full with cryings. Not only June and Ernest, but Will and I too. Will eventually went to our neighbor and asked for her help. She was a nice old lady and easily calmed these two little monsters down in about 10 minutes time. Will and I dropped our jaw and couldn't thank her more. She taught us some tricks to deal with the babies which the books have never written any. When our neighbor left Will and I knew that we would have a long and tough way to go. We just smiled and understood each other thoughts already.

Will would have few months before he departed again to Afghanistan. We took turn to serve our little monsters. In the morning when I was off to work he would need to take care of June and Ernest and it sometimes drove him crazy. He would call me and started yelling at me for no reason. It could be really depressing. At night we always wished that they won’t cry but if they did, we would push and persuade each other to walk over to their room and check them out. Those months were the months which black circles started to be visible and worsen when we didn't get enough of rest.

Despite all hardships, our tiredness would be easily swept away when our little June and Ernest laughing happily in the bed. The indescribable sense of accomplishment when we could see them growing up: crawling on the floor, learn to stand up, learn to walk and eventually running. Nothing could be as happy as witnessing and taking part in their growth.

____________________________________________

In a bend of road we reached our destination. June and Ernest were happy because they could finally see Will after a year and in a way, they were sad because they could never literally see him anymore.

As I parked my convertible, I brought a bouquet of flowers out of it and passed it to June. I held their hands in mine and started walking towards the cemetery. As we reached Will’s grave we sat down in front of it and June put the flowers down. She started talking to Will about her new friends she met in the school and showing him her Little Ollie that I bought for her last week. Ernest, in another way sitting on my thigh and being really quiet.

I felt sad because I could never give them the love only Will could give.

I felt sad because they could never feel Will’s warm body anymore.

I felt sad because I was helpless to my children.

Then, Ernest stood up and began speaking of his soccer game with other kids on the field. He showed Will the report card which had his good grades written on it to make Will feel proud of him. Ernest didn't want to waste a single second he could talk to his Daddy Will despite his quiet sadness. He was doing hard to make me feel better.

When they were done I started cleaning up Will’s tomb. When I saw his photo framed on the tombstone with his name carved on it, I felt my heart tighten. I wanted a shoulder a cry on so badly but I couldn't. If I display my sadness Ernest and June would feel sadder and probably start crying. They had enough of this in their life and I was doing all I can to make every single second a memorable and enjoyable one. This was my promise and redemption to them.

As June and Ernest walked to other kids who their parents were also visiting their passed away family members, I started talking to Will.

“You know, Will, Ernest and June are doing really great in their study and they have been behaving well all the time. They are already 9 years old now. Remember the day we brought them home they were so small. But they are growing real fast. Ernest is taller than her sister already.”

I snorted. “How could you leave like that? How could you put me through all these things? How could you?” Tears started rolling down. “You left for two years now and I am still trying hard to live. If it’s not for the kids I would have gone with you now.

“I really want to be braver, to just face every day like a challenge, even the kids are doing better than me. They were sad at first but they somehow looked stronger than me. I still couldn't believe that you left this place already.

“On your last departure you told me it would be the last one and called me to hold on. After this final year you said your enlistment will come to an end and you will be doing something else so you can spend more time with me and the kids. But why didn't you make it back to home this time? On the final year of your enlistment? You worked so hard for so many years and those years you were well back home but why didn't you come home this time? You’re such a liar you didn't keep your promise!”

I said it real hard and tears were streaming down fiercely. I didn't know if June and Ernest overheard that but I didn't seem to care too much anymore. Those were too much to hold. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. I shook my head.

The wind was blowing soft and the sunlight was tender on my skin. The dandelions were flying amid the air and the grass waving blissfully on the ground. It was such a beautiful day even birds were chippering but my body wasn't doing good at all. My torso trembling hard due to the sudden outburst and I couldn't do anything about it.

I felt somebody holding both my hands and I realized that they were Ernest and June. They were squatting beside me. Ernest wiped away the tears on my left cheek using his hands while June did the same thing on my right cheek but using her handkerchief. They were then kissed both sides of my cheeks, replacing the tears instead. Instinctively I put my hands on them and held them close to me, smiling.

“Who thought you both this?” I asked curiously.

“No one.” Ernest said. “It just seems the right thing to do.”

I looked at Ernest in amazement. This sentence was familiar I've heard it somewhere last time. Then I remembered that night Will and I at the lake on our first date. That tacky dialogue. That made me smile again. Ernest resembled Will he’s now talking like Daddy Will already. Although they weren't blood-linked but there was bonding which already firmly built while Ernest was still little. The words Will had always used to make good sentences somehow inherited on Ernest. He has a shadow of Will now.

“We just want daddy you to be happy.” June looked down on the ground and said.

“Daddy is happy.” Smiling and kissing both of their cheeks. “You both are the source of my happiness.” Ernest and June sat on my thighs, closed their mouths with hands and chuckled in unison.

I held these two precious little monsters closer to me and looked into Will’s photograph on the tombstone. I smiled this time because I think he did know that I couldn't survive if something bad happened on him. He had us adopted the kids not only for perfection of life but for me to continue living, not only for myself, but for him too if he couldn't make himself back home. And also a chance for the kids to have home. He loved his family so much I knew he wasn't ready to leave us just yet. But there’s live, so there’s death. Deep down he just wanted me to go on living a normal life until the end of my time.

I understand your intention better now, Will.

The wind blowing stronger it rubbed against my face. The kids closed their eyes with hands and I closed mine too, letting the breeze be. Love is like the wind. You can’t touch it but you can feel it. And I wanted you to know, my love for you is immortal, Will Sullivan.

-END-

-SAI KIT-

Chapter 7

Will finally left to Afghanistan. On the day of his departure I dropped not even a single tear. If I lost a little control of my tear glands my tears would stream down of my eyes mercilessly.

      Before he walked away he hugged me so tight for at least two minutes. We both couldn't stand the fact that we were already parting in not even a month after our wedding. He told me that he will be safe and make it back home because I’m waiting him to come home. He said he would constantly write me letters and made me promised that I will reply them.

I successfully forced a smile despite the hard time just to make him feel better. I just wanted him to go without a single burden and kept him away from bringing too much of emotions along with him. The last thing I wanted was seeing him sad and emotional. He shouldn't have had any of these on the plane or he may lose his live in the war.

My intention was genuine and clear.

He kissed me so hard before turning away from me. I saw the man I loved walking away, his body getting smaller and smaller as our distance furthered. Seeing his back slowly disappeared into the cabin I couldn't help myself to think that this may be the last time I felt his warm, his voice, his hug and his kiss. I hoped that wasn't true at all because I don’t want to lose this man. I don’t want to.

Backing to my single lifestyle again, my life went meaninglessly without Will. I went to work on time and got back home when my job’s done. If my colleagues went down to the bar I would join them and got very drunk I couldn't even walk a straight line. They helped me back home and put me into bed before leaving. They were kind humans. They knew the thing that I was going through and they were all very patient to help me through my hard time.

After two months I got a letter from Will. I desperately opened the letter up and began reading it.

Dear Bryan,

      I’d finally reached Afghanistan, how are you doing at the other part of the world without me? I wanted to write you immediately after the arrival but couldn't find a time to hold the pen. The whole time I was patrolling and the weather was extreme. It was so hot in daytime I thought I was in an oven and freezing cold at night.

      Every night when I laid on the bed I started thinking about you. When it got too hard I would pull out my wallet and look at our photo together. We were so happy together in the photo especially you, I can’t even see your eyes only your shining white teeth. Your smile is my potion it keeps me going and not giving up. Living every day up is to be at home with you.

 With you eating together, with you watching TV programs together, with you in the bed together. I missed the time we snuggling in the warm coazy bed with you beside me. I miss you so much. I miss every single detail of you. I missed my home. 

      Would you write to me? I’m thirst of your life: What did you do in the morning, the afternoon, the night and even in your dream. I hope I could be there to share every single thing that you’re going through, both good and bad times. But honey, promise me you will stay in a good shape, I don’t want you to get sick that would tear my heart apart. Please live well. If you don’t, please do it for me.

      I couldn't wait to be home already.

P/S: I love you.

Your husband,

Will

     I cried when I've done reading it. His letter contained so much of emotions I cried so many times whenever I was reading it. His scent carried along with the letter, he was here just two months ago and now he wasn't anymore. I wonder if life felt good fooling couples this way.

      I replied him the letter with my tears drenched the center of the paper. God knows what would happen to me if Will was no longer here. Autumn and winter left in a blink of eyes, spring was already approaching. Will was still constantly writing me letters and in his last letter he apologized for not being able to celebrate Christmas with me. Other than that, the main thing in the letter which literally lifted my mood was that he would be coming back in another three months.

I couldn't tell how long I've been waiting that day to come. Every night before I sleep, I wished that when I opened my eyes the next day in the morning, it would be three months later.

Chapter 6

For the last two days in Hawaii we got our papers signed and exchanged vows in front of a pastor who willing to be our witness, in the hotel where we were staying. The hotel management was very kind to us, they had us prepared few tables and some foods to serve anybody who attended our simple wedding. Most of our guests were the tourists staying in the hotel and they were all good men and women dropping us their blessings. I can still remember the thunderous applause and cheers when I said “I do”.

      The moment we reached our home we declared the news to our friends and family. Will’s brother, Dan, and his wife, Natalie, were both very happy for us but they were mad for not calling him to attend the wedding. His friends came over later at night and said that it was sad he never got to enjoy his only bachelor night anymore. It was hilarious and to be fair, I missed that myself! They were so drunk I have to take care of so many babies in my house. Beer bottles, cups, leftovers and pukes. It was in expectation.

      Well, my parents weren't as delighting as I have imagined. That was in my expectation too, anyways. When I told them that I was married to Will my dad walked out of the living hall, backing to his room while my mom congratulated me. I didn't know if that was a sincere one but she accepted the fact calmly. She told me to be patience with the old man because he may just need time to process all of this. Mom went to the kitchen and brought out an old French wine made in 1975. She told me that the wine was bought when I was still a baby. My dad told her that this French wine would be used as a toast on my wedding. So, it was meant to be opened on my wedding day with my wife but it turned out that I was not marrying a woman. My mother then said it was fine because the wine was still for me and my life-partner. I couldn't put myself into a smiley face, I just gave my mother a light hug before I left.

As I walked out of my folk’s house I was like just committed a crime and should be convicted. As if I killed somebody my whole family turned their backs on me. Being seated on an electric chair waiting to be electrified or a black cloth covering the head waiting to be hung to dead. Despite those bad reactions, which were already first anticipated, I got kind of depressed still after the confrontation. I called my sister in my car before I hit the road.

“What? You got married?” My sister yelled on the line.

“Oh yes, and your voice is deafening.” I said.

“How could you not telling me earlier?”

“I wished I know but Will proposed on that getaway in Hawaii.”

“Oh dear! So his name is Will! Listen, I need to meet your husband.” She paused for a second. “In fact, I didn’t even know you have a boyfriend.”

“Indeed.” I admitted and felt guilty.

“We never see each other for quite some time. We never even talk on the phone damn it!” She cursed. “I hate that I missed out so many things in your life as if I am being banished in a faraway kingdom!”

I laughed. My sister could be a drama queen sometimes. “You are exaggerating young lady.”

“Have you told mom and dad?” Jane asked.

“Yes I just did an hour ago.” I sighed.

“It was bad, wasn’t it?” She said.

“Uhm.”

“Let me do my job, okay? Don’t worry so much it’ll be fine.” She consoled. “And Bryan, I’m glad that you called.”

“So do I.” I agreed. “By the way, you gotta be quick for the visit to my house. Will is leaving to Afghanistan in few more days.”

“What? How did...”

The conversation went on for another thirty minutes and I realized something: My sister can really talk! Besides, talk to Jane was something very comfortable, our conversation happens so naturally I don’t have to fish for words. Jane more or less knew that I wouldn't be like the boys out in the neighborhood. And again, this wasn't something we discuss about openly.

The next day when she came for a visit at my house, I saw my parents behind her back. I invited them in and Will immediately prepared some teas for my parents and Jane. Jane told me to chill she already talked them through.

As Will handed the tea cups to my mother and father, the exchanged eye contacts. My mom was giving a warm smile to Will and so did my dad, he just felt a little awkward in the room. He never expected that he would have another son in his life, from me.

Jane started interrogating Will and my parents listened intensely into their conversation. Once in a while they asked a few questions and Will answered them honestly and genuinely.

“Good to have a soldier in our family!” Jane concluded.

Everyone in the hall laughed while Will blushed like a red tomato. I have never seen him that way he must be really embarrassed. Later at night we had dinner together in a nearby diner. Conversation getting much easier and Will was really doing good with my family. I was delighted by just looking at them conversing happily.

As night sunken really dark I ushered them to stay in a night but my parents insisted my sister to send them back home.

“But dad it is already late.” I said.

“It’s okay I wanted to be home still.” He said. “I can’t sleep on any other mattresses except mine.”

“Your dad is a typical home man, so just let him be.” My mom said.

“Okay.” I surrendered.

“It’s weird cuz’ that is your son’s house though.” Jane shrugged.

“Okay people.” Will sprinkled some magical dust, breaking this awkward moment. “So, Jane, I will see you again and please be safe on the road. My little mommy and daddy need a beauty sleep.”

Will smiled warmly, my mom was already laughing and my dad, surprisingly, laughing too. Will did have ways to deal with old folks. As Will closed the car’s door, Jane was waving good-bye and slowly driving away from the porch. In a minute the car’s backlight slowly vanished from our sight along the straight night road.

Instinctively I held Will’s hand and kissed his hand softly. His head tilted to the side, not understanding what that was about.

“Thank you for everything.” I said with gratitude.

Will smiled simply and kissed my forehead. He was the best gift God had I bestowed. I led him back into the house, still holding his hand, smiling sheepishly. We made hot steamy love into the night, climaxed for a few times and then slept through the remaining hours before dawn arrived. I couldn't believe I've married to this man who was 20 pounds heavier and a head taller than me.

I’d read a book last time and the author once said that “When you found the right person it is like you have done half of your life errands correctly.” If that was the case it would be enough.

At least I’d served half the errands right in my life.

Chapter 5

Since the first date Will and I had a wonderful time together, it had been almost 6 months. He moved into my house and we literally spending quality time each and every day. We would have breakfast together before I took off to work. Sometimes he would come to the hospital and bring me out for lunch and sometimes, he cooked dinner and dressed like a waiter awaiting me home. That time when he did that he must have something dirty playing in his mind. His gelled hair, the black bow tie tied around his neck, seducing naked upper body, long black slack and bare foots on the tiles. He could be really sexy sometimes.

      We talked about so many things. About my conservative parents, about his childhood, about my previous study life, about his enlistment, about the discovery of our sexual orientation, about our ambitions and all sort of things. Down the road we would have to know all these little things in order to understand each other better. These conversations were meant to be truthful for a long term relationship. They were the foundation of strong bond.

      Late in the summer Will's holiday was coming to an end and I didn't realize that time was passing so fast. I came back from work one day and found him solemnly lying on the couch looking to the ceiling. I was very curious and started to get worry when he didn't bother to look at me even when I called him. I put down my bag and sat on the floor beside the couch.

      "Hey." I said. "What's up?"

      He turned his head to me and nothing came out of him. I started to get really worry. "Uhmm..." was all he said.

      "Honey what's wrong?" I was caressing his hair.

      He took a deep breath and sat up on the couch. I looked at him waiting for his words. "I have news."

      "I'm waiting." I said patiently.

      "I got a call. I would need to depart to Afghanistan in two weeks." He said sternly.

      The rest of the night went meaninglessly. This breaking news caught me off guard. I couldn't think straight as if my world has fallen apart. We didn't speak for a few hours, even dinner. In fact, it was a disaster. I have never had such weird dinner in my life. I couldn't bring myself to speak of a word and that probably the reason.

      In the bed he started to convince me that everything would be fine. He talked for a long time and I couldn't help myself to utter a single word. When I turned to him I hugged him close and tears started rolling down my cheeks. I wasn't that strong actually.

      "Hey, hey." He urged softly. "Don't cry."

      I couldn't say a word I was crying so badly. "Not that I will never make it back." He said.

      For the rest of my crying he didn't say anything anymore. Deep down we both knew how it would be we just never speak about it. "Be safe" was all I said.

      Will have approximately one week plus before he needed to pack up his things and leave to Afghanistan. For the rest of his days he had in the state I had him accompanied. I wrote in to apply for holiday.

      Will had plans for me and himself before he left. He brought me for an escape at Hawaii and wanted me to enjoy as much as I can. We both just wanted to spend as much time as possible together because we knew that the departure would definitely bring some changes to our relationship. For now we just stick together and that was probably the only thing we could do, to create memories in togetherness.

      We spent uncountable time together. In the morning we visited a lot of places. He rented a car to drive me around the town using GPS. He brought me to a local tattoo house and we both inked our body with a local tribal tattoo. We went up to the volcano with trained personnel and were amazed by the its heat. We could feel the heat bubbling on the surface of our foots while stepping on it although with our sneakers on. For few afternoons we spent some time together to learn the local traditional dance called the Hula Dance and some nights we would enjoy the fire dance in specific restaurants. When there were barbecue parties out there on the beach at night, we would join them and mostly they were very friendly and welcoming. Will and I were truly enjoying every second.

      One evening while Will was taking a nap in the hotel room, I sneaked out of the room and went down to the beach. Sometimes we just need some alone time. The sunset was beautiful, it colored the sky orange and seagulls were scattered all over it. The waves formed a symphony which I was fascinated by it. I know I could sit here the whole day looking at the sea under such soothing environment. I found a spot under a coconut tree and sat down on the pearl white sand. The sea breeze gently stroking my face I find it very comforting. Within a minute I sunk into deep thoughts I didn't even realize that Will found me on the beach. In fact, he has been sitting there for quite some time. His presence startled me when I turned my head and shrugged my shoulders for relaxation purpose.

      "Oh Jezz! How long have you been here?" I asked, frightened.

Will laughed. "For at least 10 minutes."

      "Why didn't you call me?"

      "I don't want to interrupt you pondering life epiphany." He smirked.

      "Ha.Ha. Very funny Willy." I turned my gaze away from him, back to the sea in front of me.

      "I woke up and couldn't find you in the room. I guess you went down to the lobby or somewhere until I found you here." He said and moved closer to me.

      I nodded and didn't say a thing. "What are you thinking?" Will finally asked.

      "I don't know." I shrugged. "It's like a lot of things jumbled together. I don't know which should I deal with first."

      Will knew what I was trying to say. "You know, if the God turns back time and allow me to choose again my career, I will still stick to same job which I am doing now."

      I looked into him and waiting for more to come. "If I never join the army, I will never see you, I will never know you. I will never meet you and I will never have so many happy moments in my life, and this moment now here is one of it." He paused. "You made me the happiest man on earth, you know? If I never meet you and never read that poem, I didn't even know that I could be that happy. I constantly looking for something to do with my life which hopefully could make me happy and none of it actually lasted."

      I smiled and he continued his conversation. "Up until I saw you in the clinic, up until the dance on our first date on my brother's wedding, up until our first sex. Everything is still crystal clear."

He stopped and took a breath. "I want you to know that you’re the most important person in my life I couldn’t afford to lose you."

      He held my hand and brought them to his chest. I couldn't tell how happy I was that moment I went speechless. I wasn't a good speaker starting from the beginning and he somehow got used to it. I smiled gladly and planted a kiss on his lips. The only thing to express how important his words were to me was by putting my gratitude into action. I knew that he knew I was obsessed with him too.

      Will stood up and walked towards the bushes trying to look for something. He squatted down and started working on something in his hands.

      "What are you doing?" I asked.

      "Hang on." He said. "I'm about to finish."

      "I'm curious." I wanted to get up but stopped by Will. "You just relax I’ll be done in a while. Now, I think I’m done."

      I frowned, what was that in his hand?

      He knelt down next to me and said:

      "Would you marry me?"

      He was proposing to me.

I kept asking myself if it was real. I looked into him and starting hearing some buzzing sounds around us, the crowd was growing.

      "I know this is selfish, and it's not even a year we've met," Will paused, "But I would like you to know you're the man of my life and I didn't want you to be out of my life."

      He was still kneeling and I started to hear words like "Say yes!", "What are you waiting, man?" and "Go for it!"

      "Would you marry me?" He asked again.

      "Without a proper engagement ring," I said, "But this goes good with me."

      Will's face split into a big smile and hugged me so fiercely he almost suffocated me. I was smiling with him too, flaring brighter than the sun. I couldn't believe that I would have this day in my life, perhaps my parent's idea of relationship wasn't bad at all. I made the same ring for Will and as he put on the ring for me, I slipped my fresh-made ring into his ring finger. My ring finger.

      "I am engaged!"

I yelled to the crowd and both of us received a generous and thunderous applause. Will looked into me as if he literally hit the moon. He held my hand firmer than ever. And I learnt something that evening: When you truly looked into the people they were actually pretty accepting, just the minority of them still carrying the hatred towards same sex relationship. End of the day, the most important thing is finding the right person for ourselves despite people’s bad opinions. Doing what you like is freedom, liking what you do is happiness.

      As we walked back to our room along the hallway, I whispered to Will.

 "Just so you know, you're not selfish. I'm happy you included me in your life and to me, you're as important as oxygen. I love you, Will Sullivan."

      Without an omen he darling-lift me as we were approaching our room. I was frightened by his action at first, and later then I put my hands around his neck, smiling on this man's silly face. Who knows this soldier in front of me could be really sweet and romantic freak sometimes.

      "I love you too, Bryan Wu." Will whispered.

Chapter 4

Will and I laid in the bed, his hands resting on my shoulder while my head resting on his. A thin velvety blanket spread on our stark naked body and the only three Palestinian rock lamps illuminating the room made it cozy than ever, an indescribable ambiance. He stayed quietly beside me saying nothing. Such silence made it audible to his breathing, even sound of his heartbeats was pretty clear through my ears. I enjoyed listening to his even heartbeats. I must be crazy giving a pass to a guy I just met 2 weeks ago on my bed.

      "I can't believe we did this." I said.

      "Me neither. But I'm glad." He gave me a light squeeze on my arm and planted a kiss on my head. "Your head is sweaty!"

      "Well I was doing a hard work you didn't see it?" I said sarcastically.

      "You definitely were." He threw me a naughty expression. "You're..."

      "Drop it!" I sat up and protested.

      "Okay fine I get that you didn't like people saying you HOT." He threw up his arms.

      We relaxed back down on the bed and started a serious conversation.

      "I didn't see you parents there on Dan's wedding." I asked.

      "I hope they could be here today." He said. "They passed away in a car crash when we were little."

      I looked at him, startled and waiting for more. "I can't remember when was it but that doesn't matter anymore, does it?" He turned his body towards me.

      I remained quiet and found my hand caressing his face. I gave him a smile. This big grown man beside me must have been through a hard childhood, beneath this torso hid a frightened little soul. I closed his eyes and moved his body closer to mine, hugging him affectionately. Poor Will. For few silent minutes he stays unmoved and unconsciously, I asked him a question which brought him totally back to the reality.

      "You are afraid that you may disappoint your parents?" I asked. He retreated from me allowing some space for conversation.

      "I don't understand you." He looked into me. "Can't my therapist be a little straight forward?"

      "The fact that you're gay." I said honestly.

      He frowned. "You can be either direct or indirect huh?" I smiled.

      "Well I suppose I am just fulfilling your request." I said. He looked intensely into me as if he's known me forever.

      "I don't know how you guess that right, it was my biggest fear even if they passed away so many years ago but the luckiest thing is my brother is very accepting." He looked down and held my hand. "Uhmm, I don't know how should I begin my story."

      "You don't have to." I said, understanding his thought. "All of us have that one dark time that never wished to be reminded. I have one and so do you."

      He put my hands on his cheeks, his stubble was prickly but warm underneath his skin. "I love you." He said with his eyes closed.

      "I love you too little Willy." He laughed and he pulled me closer to him.

      We made love deep into the night, we talked after it and as thing got serious again, we did it again. We lost in sleep when we got really tired. Snuggling in bed with this man beside me was the happiest thing to do.

      That short moment in my life, I felt that I wasn't a lonesome creature after all. 

Chapter 3

The wedding ceremony was set in the evening. The Saturday weather was charming especially when dusk settling in. The sky dyed with a combination of colors I couldn't be sure, I can even see stars shimmering already at this hour probably because of yesterday’s heavy downpour. It was good providing that even a slight dust I couldn't see floating amid the air. The storm yesterday made Will to ring me up just to assure me that the sky would be clear the next day and reminding me of the time he would come and pick me up. He's charming in a way even though I knew him not more than 2 weeks. Well, God has given him such a gift considering that he put me on a date with him in such short period of time. The only odd thing was the venue- his brother's wedding. And why.

      "The setting is spectacular." I said as we reached the venue.

      It was a very simple wedding through eyes I could tell, but for some weird reason I found it breathtakingly beautiful. Perhaps I’m a person who appreciates simplicity. It was a garden wedding. White metal chairs arranged neatly at both sides, a space was left for the aisle which already carpeted with red carpet, with rose petals spread on it, and light bulbs hanging all around the tree branches. In front of the chairs was the place where the pastor, bride and groom stand- a place for the couple to conduct the sacred ceremony. Of all, beside it was a big space where dining tables and chairs were being placed for guests to dance, forming a circular shape with empty space laid in it.

      "Isn't it? My sister-in-law has been so fussy and hard on the wedding planner and caterers."

      "Or it wouldn't be so beautiful." I stood there for few seconds and letting the breeze to kiss my cheeks. "I appreciate simplicity."

      He put one of his hands on my shoulder and said "Com'on, I’ll bring you around the place."

      As the sun setting down to the west, the bulbs hung around the old oak trees lighted up indicating another brand new day has begun at another side of the world. Will brought me into the front-most seat and sat down beside me. Apparently the vow and ring exchange ceremony was starting in no time.

      As the wedding symphony sprang into live, all the attention moved to the bride where the bride's father was holding her hand, walking her down the aisle. I took a glance on Will's brother and saw nervousness painted clearly on his face. Never the less, the joy he had deep down could cover no more.

      "I am now pronouncing you man and wife. You may kiss the bride now."

      As the pastor finished the last line, all the witnesses stood up with thunderous applause. Will was very happy and in fact, I found happiness was very contagious. Well, sincerely I was very glad for this pair of newlywed.

      The sky was totally sunken dark, the bulbs were doing great job illuminating the whole garden. It created an unspeakable ambience- a romantic atmosphere which was incredibly suitable for this occasion. The music started to play, the newlywed started to dance and down the tracks, guests joined in enjoying very much themselves.

      I was sitting calmly on my place enjoying my meal, occasionally spoke to the guests sitting at the same table with me. Will was doing the talking all the night to keep me from being too tedious, he could be really patient. As I finished and began taking sips of wine from my wine glass, Will tapped on my thigh.

      "You want to go on a walk with me?" He asked.

      "Sure. But this place is small I can see the whole place already."

      "I know this one place just behind that cottage, there is a lake." He pointed far beyond the dancing square.

      "Okay." Not that I have anything to do other than watching them dance.

      As we walked towards the lake, the surrounding was quiet and calm. Moon lit the sky bright and stars were shimmering on the night skyline. No one was looking at us at all and to be true, no one actually gave a damn. Will moved both his hands front and back at a constant pace and taking deep breathes once he felt like it. It was good walking with him. I didn't feel uncomfortable at all with his presence. In fact, it was kind of delighting.

      "How are you feeling today?" He broke the silence.

      "This is corny, Will." I said, laughing at him.

      "What? This seemed to be the right thing to say!" He protested.

      "I feel really good. The wedding. The atmosphere. It has been a while since the last wedding I attended."

      "When was that?"

      "Probably five years ago?"

      "Wow."

"Does that matter?" I could be hard sometimes.

      "No. Just asking." The silence lasted for some time until he cleared his throat. "I really like your poem."

      "You do?"

"Genuinely."

      "You understand that?"

      "Not all, but I would like you to explain it to me. Would you?"

      He turned to me and said that and I was slow that we have reached the lake already. It was really quiet. Looking into his eyes lowered my defenses, I couldn't say no to this pair of eyes.

      "Did anyone say that you have a beautiful pair of eyes?"

      "Well. You're probably the only one." He smug.

      "That can't be. They are startling pretty."

      "Are you provoking me dear therapist?" He pulled his face nearer to mine.

      "Can you be provoked? I believe I am making conversation with a patient of mine." Smiling.

      "Interesting.” He withdrawn. “Now, would do explain them to me?"

      "It's actually nothing too deep about that poem. It's easy to understand. That poem mainly talking about my hard time when I discovered that I'm bisexual."

      "That was a real hard time buddy." Will nodded as if he walked the same path.

      "Yeah I know."

      "Hmm... Bisexual. Why would you think you are?"

      "I have no idea, I just know. Sometimes I don't even know what I want, I can’t explain that either, you know? It was so confusing even until now." I paused for a second or two. "One thing I’m pretty sure is I have feeling on both male and female. You know, reaction."

      "Oh, of course." He laughed and looked away.

      “By the way, what made you bring me here tonight?” I asked. “I have been wondering since that day.”

      “I don’t know.” Will dazzled and finding for words. “It was more of an instinct when I knew you’re different. You know.”

      I sighed, pretty disappointed with his instinct. I was just an instinct for people somehow. “Please don’t be mad for this, but you are a little selfish.”

      We walked along the lake and speak of nothing for a long time. We were just enjoying the walk, the air, the silence, the songs playing by the crickets, and our stepping sounds. Couldn't say how much I loved them and at the same time, hated it so much.

“Fucking conversation.” I thought.

      "Don't you afraid of how people look at you? How differently they see you then judge you and all sort of things?" Will broke the bubble of silence.

      "Of course I am, I’m not quite as ready as you see but when you think about it, seriously you can't do a thing to stop them thinking of you that way." Will paused this time, for a long time.

      "I... uhmm... gay... I believe." Will stuttered.

      "I believe?" I asked in bewilderment.

    "I mean, I’m not too used to tell people who I am yet. Not too comfortable."

      "I understand that, so am I." I stopped walking and turned to Will. "But if that's the case, you're not ready. Why would you ask me out?”

      Will looked down to the gravel road and finally looked back up to me and said "That's because I wanted to get out of this shell."

      I was pondering his answer. "You acted so naturally in the clinic back then."

      "That's because you're my very first person I invited out for a date and I was excited, and most importantly, I want the ‘someone’ stays comfortable." He squeezed out a light laughed. "Even though this is not much of a date."

      "It is good enough, I like the fact that you trust me enough to bring me to your brother's wedding. And you have a good heart, Will. Your date is well taken care of, trust me."

     

He smiled shyly.

      "Uhmm... Bryan, are you openly out? Do your parents know about it?" Will started to get really straight forward.

      "Not to say totally out of the closet but I’m on my way. You have to understand one thing, I don't walk around people and declare to them that "I'm a bisexual man", you know? This is a personal thing which I would only tell the people who truly mattered to me, or somebody who so happened to bump into me.” I looked at Will and he laughed. “About my parents, I think they know but this is not something that we put into open discussion. We don't talk about things like this." I answered honestly.

      He nodded. "I wouldn't have known that you're a bi if I didn't see the poem."

      This was my turn to nod. And I gave a brief smile. "But seriously, I wouldn't hide that if people bumped into this fact."

      Slowly we walked back to the place where we were at first and there were a lot of people dancing at the square. The music was still playing and everyone seemed to enjoy very much.

      I turned and looked into Will's beautiful eyes, waiting his to meet mine. When he did, I walked up to him so close that I could feel his breath, his heat.

      "Would you like a dance?" I put up my hand and opened up my palm, waiting for his response.

      "Yes, very likely."

      His hand held mine and we began dancing blissfully among all other people. Will was really nervous at the beginning. Not that he didn't know how to dance but something was holding him back. Judgment I believed. His body hard as stone and head turning here and there. I knew he was trying very hard to overcome his fear.

      "Hey, relax." I continue moving blissfully, doing the lead. "Will, look at me." He did. "I'm your partner tonight, you would just need to look into my eyes. Calm down, feel the breeze and enjoy the dance, with me." He nodded.

      "Now take a deep breath." I ordered softly.

      As he finished he looked intensely into me, he was then laughing like a silly boy. This was the real Will, he came back here finally.

      The night spent on the dancing square was worthwhile, dancing again and again following one and another songs until the guests were all leaving. A man came up to us, Will and I stepped apart from each other.

      "Gentlemen, it was a very great night!" He was the groom, Will's brother. Will hugged his brother fiercely and turned to me.

      "Oh Dan, meet Bryan." Said Will.

      "Bryan, I hope you enjoy yourself here." Dan moved forward and we exchanged a diplomatic hand-shake.

      "Very much. And congratulations to you too." I greeted.

      "Thank you! You must be somebody special to our little Willy aren't you?" Dan laughed.

      “Hmm his brother knew that.” This thought made me smile.

      "Hey! Drop that Willy joke it was ages ago!" Little Willy protested.

      "Hmm Willy, I like that name." I smiled.

      "These gentlemen are really enjoying themselves." The bride walked up to us. Dan hugged his wife gracefully and planted a passionate kiss on her lips.

      "Ohh yeah very sweet keep it for tonight in bed." Little Willy sneered.

      "Who's this?" The bride looked at me, smiling.

      "Oh called me Bryan, Will's friend." I hugged her softly.

      "Natalie. You must be a special friend." She laughed. "What a dance, you both are inseparable!"

      All of us laughed in unison. I felt my cheeks were burning hot, am I blushed?

      "Well, Bryan and I are about to leave and this chaotic place I will leave it to you!" Will said.

      "Oh Dear Lord what a brother I have!" Dan cried and Natalie smiled.

      "We have better things to do. Gotta leave now! Ciao!" Will and I walked away from Dan and Natalie, saying good-bye.

      "Enjoy the night dear newlywed!" I said before they vanished from my sight.

      "Thank you for coming." Will said as I jumped out of the car. The journey back was quiet and my house seemed farther than ever. “What has he been thinking?” I thought.

      "It's my pleasure. Thank you for inviting me." I closed the door and walked towards the porch. As I unlocked the door I heard my name called from distance.

      "Bryan!"

      It was Will, obviously. He ran towards me. He held my cheeks, closing up our face and kissed me straight to my mouth. His tongue like a little fish invaded my lips: what an affectionate kiss! We were both breathless at the end of it. His forehead resting on mine, we were looking at each other intensely as if we could communicate through eyes, panting. He wasn't just charming but an amazing kisser too.

      "You know..." Will saying. "I have always thought love at first sight is shallow but..."

      "I think I fall in love with you."