I looked at him intensely with uncountable
doubts, “what is this soldier doing here at this hour?” And he just looked at me but nothing came out of him. He
has a dark tanned skin and surprisingly not an overly buffed one. His body was
very attractive and well trained even with his clothes On- broad shoulders,
moderate physique, interesting. My mind wandered far away, as I caught myself
back, I broke the silence.
"Can I help
you?" I asked and immediately moving my body forward, holding him and
throwing my thoughts out of my mind.
Amusingly, he seemed just awaken by my voice from his wandered
mind too. "Oh, yeah, urhm... The clinic is already closed?"
"Yes, about 30 minutes
ago I suppose." Still looking at him oddly.
"Ahhh I'm sorry
I should have gotten here earlier." He retrieved a card from his pocket
and looked into it before speaking again. "I have an appointment with this
therapist called Bryan." He paused and looked at me.
"It is me. I
have never seen you before?" I asked in bewilderment.
"This is my
first appointment." He said. "I should be here 2 hours ago but I lost
track of the time while taking my nap." He scratched his head. I took that
as an embarrassment gesture.
"Well, perhaps I
could make a special arrangement for you. Please let me help you into
seat." I hold him closely before we started walking.
"Are you sure? I
can come back again."
"It's fine. Not
that I have things to do tonight." I smile as he looked at me. "I
will attend to you in a while."
During the treatment
we were conversing and he was doing most of the talking. Somehow I found myself
running out of words but he seemed to have things that kept coming. He is a
very verbal person. As the treatment came to an end, I gave advice as usual
and called him to be punctual in the next appointment.
"Late no more,
mister..." I looked into his name tag, "Will Sullivan."
"Oh of course, I
was just too... tired I suppose." As he stood up, he seemed to have things
to say again. "Will isn't that hard to remember right, or is it?"
He walked out of the
room as he put the crutches back underneath his axillaries, left me dazzling at
the same place for a few bizarre seconds.
The weekend has been
dull, other than watching the programs playing on television I have nothing
better to do. I don't usually go down to bars or clubs simply because I don't
like the environment. The deafening music kills me millions of cells. Or let me
put it another way: I don't socialize this way. I am totally not an introvert,
I just don't like getting myself into something complicated and somewhere
overcrowded.
Backing to work, the
same environment working as usual and there came a file with a familiar name
and recalled the memory of me with my belated patient. Will Sullivan, here he
comes for his second appointment.
As I called him into
the room his condition got so much better he could walk pretty reciprocally
than I last seen him. I assumed that his recovery has taken place fast.
"Someone can
almost walk without crutches." I grinned as I looked into his report.
"I can dance in
few more days!" He said happily.
"Hmm you sound
very excited, tell me that was a joke you're after dancing in the coming few
days."
"I suppose am
not. My brother is getting married this coming Saturday and I can't attend with
crutches on me!" He explained. "That will look terrible on me."
"Afraid that you
may freak out the guests?" I smirked. "That is normal especially
while you're working in such background. Take that as an honor."
"Not so
convincing Mister Therapist." He laughed. "Something called a placebo
effect?"
"Mister Sullivan
you surprised me. Reading up something lately?"
"I can tell
you're a good guesser! Not reading a lot but I have heard of this term that
usually used in your field."
"Well
said." I spoke again as I put down the file. "Let's get your
treatment started. I would like to see your progression first..."
Treatment has carried
out for an hour. At the end I called him to be seated on that chair placed
beside my table while I replaced the equipment. There he saw something I forgot
to keep, letting it expose in front of Will. A poem I wrote when I was 18.
That was actually the starting point of our story which he
started to call me out for dinner and things like that.
Me
Sun dancing dizzily in sky, the afternoon
seems hot but beautiful
One of the many, a mother’s womb found
broken
A small hand emerged from thin layer of
amnion membrane
Exposing the hand of angel to the world
full of sins
Later finding himself lying in the hand of
a man in white
He is naked, afraid of waking, stays in
silence
An external force wakes him, startling
Is then noticed a long cord still attached
at his little button on belly
He is raised in the wing of angels
Certainty growing in happiness
Triumph and joyous found him anywhere
Element of confidence is part of him
Never for once standing in bewilderment
Never for once staring in confusion
Never for once thinking of shitty riddles
Never for once answering in doubt
Hours, days, weeks, months and years
The little boy with a semi lunar smile for
24 hours
With the wash and cleanse of time
He is Godly matured and attractive
It’s abnormal, asking, wondering
For the love of God, what creature he is?
He’s standing at the junction of choices
What is right for himself? His parents? His
future?
Suffering from dilemmas that he never face
Depressions he undergone indeed horrifying
For a certain extend he hopes to vanish
Vanish as a sinner from the land of
violation
Would his friends accept his abnormality?
Would his parents embrace his imperfection?
Would the society sooner accept this modern
fact?
Or he would end up dies suffocating?
Questions had bombarded his mind for years
Guilt joins in and worsens the situation
They made such a splendid vain of poisons
Terrific for formulating mentally
collapsing
For no time he could any more endures it
He should stand up for himself; for his
good
He wishes he can ever be braver to tell his
heart
But found himself hiding at the corner
covering his face
Barely heard his sobs, but his aura
apparently roaring
The gray area- judgments, prejudices and
These external factors never thought could
be such suicidal
Maybe cutting his arteries isn't a bad idea
He loves beautiful things
Certainly stanza 8 is one of the prettiest
Anything he chose eventually
He just hopes they’ll love him eternally.
As I came back to my table and saw him
reading the paper that shouldn't be read by anybody, I took it back immediately
and put it into my lab coat.
"You shouldn't
be reading that."
"Someone is such
a poet."
"Are you
sneering at me?"
"No definitely
not. I was amazed and mesmerized by your writing. So delicately written that I
can tell I know you better than ever."
"No you're not.
You're just one of my patients." I started to get annoyed.
"Are you
gay?"
His question startled
me I can feel my palm sweating. I wasn't quite so ready to tell anybody but he
happened to be so spontaneously asked me the question. He made it a casual and
natural question as if it's just a normal curiosity and quite on the contrary, I've taken it too seriously. Then I realized that it was not necessary to hide. Being
comfortable and sincere with who you truly are is the base line of living with
pride. I got enough of worries and started learning to live life. He saw that,
what's the point of hiding it anyways?
"I am not.
Instead, I’m a bisexual man." I said frankly with low volume only audible
to him.
"Ohhh...
Hmm..." He nodded.
"Okay, you get
enough of information? Guess you don't have to come back again you seemed
pretty good at this stage. You just need to do more exercise at home, but
remember never get yourself too fatigue." I spoke like a teacher teaching
a kindergarten kid.
"What? I feel I
should come back!" He protested.
"You're good and
I say you don't have to." I stamped "DISCHARGED" on his file.
"You're good to go Mister Sullivan."
"You are kidding
me, man." He rolled his eyes on me.
"No, YOU are
kidding me." Leaving me no more patience.
"Listen.” I said. “I
have never seen a patient wanted to come back here as desperate as you are.
Moreover, your condition is really delighting, you should be happy yourself. If
there's anything that you're feeling uncomfortable, you can always come back to
me. You have my words."
"Okay,
chill." He put him palms up. "Do you have time on the coming
Saturday?" He looked at me intensely.
"Me?
Saturday?" I repaid him his kind of gaze.
"Yes." He
nodded certainly.
"I thought
you're attending your brother's wedding."
"Well, I’m sure
he doesn't mind at all if I bring another guest." He shrugged.
"Man I don't
know." I just laughed.
"Hey I’m dead
serious. Okay, I wanted a day out with you. Will you come?" He putting it
up straight, slapping the question and answer directly on my face at the same
time.
I paused my hand from writing and looked at him, thinking.
"Is this guy fucking kidding me?"
I finally replied him
with a surrendered smile. Unbelievable. "Fine, all the fuss for this. I'm
a jerk if I say no."
He hopped up from the
chair displaying a great smiley face. He has forgotten that he still needed the
crutches to stand firmly on the ground. He almost lost his balance.
"Wow, easy man,
I just discharged you. Don't you dare to fall here and come back in
again." I stood up to hold him close.
"That would be great. Then I can see you more often."
I can't help but
frowned. Underneath the dead solemn green uniform actually hid such a small
kid.
